Calling in

Posted on Tue Jan 5th, 2021 @ 9:37pm by Commander Peter Horn & Commodore Keiben Haistro

2,125 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Episode 2 - Echoes Of An Empire
Location: Readyroom
Timeline: MD6

Fully determind to speak with the captain, Peter approached the readyroom door. It just didn't feel right to call the commanding officer down to his own office. Plus he assumed, perhaps wrongly so, that the captain might feel more comfortable talking in an environment where he was comfortable, namely the readyroom.

Giving himself a moment to recompose, he took a deep breath and then pressed the chime. If he had to ascribe to any emotion, the tribred counselor would have to admit to a hint of nervosity. He had, quite obviously, never counseled a captain before.

"Come on in, its open" Keiben called from the opposite side of the door, still trying to make this office he had inherited feel like a home away from home... So far he wasn't succeeding, it still felt like Captain Davies room despite the Betazoid heirlooms, aggressively poetic and beautiful Klingon art and the Orchids and other planets he had dispersed around the room.

From the open doorway, Peter observed his new commanding officer for a moment. From his perception, the man looked uncomfortable in his office, as if he felt out if place somehow. "Am I calling at a bad time?" He asked as he stepped inside, allowing the door to close behind him. "You look preoccupied."

"Not at all, come on in... I'm just trying to wash away some ghosts" Keiben realised how that sounded and winced internally at his own blunder. 'One does not say such things to counsellors Keiben' he chastised himself.

The new Captain moved down from the plush seating area, coffee cup in hand and rounded his desk. "Help yourself to the replicator if you want anything and we can talk!" he said as nonchalant as possible.

Nodding, Peter got himself a cup of tea and joined the captain. "I can understand the situation," he offered, partly ignoring the supposed blunder, "you want to make this office your own but do not want to tarnish the memory of your deceased predecessor." He paused a few seconds. "You are not required to talk to me, it will not affect my opinion of you sir. But I do recommend it, when you are ready to do so. I have found, through personal experience in my own past, that forcing someone to talk usually has the opposite desired effect."

"Commander, when we are alone you can drop the formality... Call me Keiben. That said, always speak you mind as well. If you think I'm a fruit loop then tell me". He jested in a jovial manner before it evaporated and he turned somber and introverted.
"I am having some disturbing nightmares... Losing the crew, the image of Hoya in the science lab having been split in two... She often talks to me in those dreams, telling me that I failed her"

Keiben dropped silent, the memory of that day surfacing, Hoya's severed body, the countless bodies he had to climb over to make his way around what was left of Copernicus... He added a single solitary word, "Haunted!"

"Haunted?" The Vulcan arched a single eyebrow as he acknowledged the use of first name with a nod in the same motion. "Would you tell me about your nightmares?" He continued, offering the slightest of amused looks. "I can sense your fear and worry but I would like to understand the cause. As for a fruit loop... I do not know what that is, beyond something very sweet my children preferred for breakfast when they were little."

"Not much more to tell... I relive the moment I woke up in the science lab, Ensign Hoya pinned, well not pinned, impaled by a fallen beam, her waist and legs on the floor about a meter away..."
Keiben fought back a swell of emotion and tears, knowing that he was telepathically broadcasting the mental impression of that day and his true feelings. He looked at the Counsellor, embarrassed and distraught in equal measure but he was not going to allow himself the time to cy, not now. "She often turns to me, her glassy eyes fixed on mine and she speaks. Sometimes its conversation about my day and how hers hasn't been so good, other times she accuses me of failing her and the rest of the crew... Likely a reflection of how I feel and I know its because I've not given myself the opportunity to deal with this trauma, it was a luxury I couldn't afford."

Peter didn't mind the broadcast, it didn't seem to bother him as he was prepared for it. "Why do you feel you failed them? It is my understanding that you were not in command when this happened." He paused briefly. "While not a luxury," he acknowledged, "it is definitely a necessity. What you cannot afford is this coming to haunt you and affect your duty performance. You are in a position of command and example, you need time to deal with this, and actually take time to do so." He offered a small smile. "You will come out stronger if you do."

"I can already feel the strength its given me... I just feel as if I could have done more, and I know I'm mirroring exactly what Mel... Doctor D'BrooNi" he corrected quickly not wanting the lack of formality to become an issue or give away the nature of his relationship with the Doctor, "She feels the same, she could have done more. I think they call it survivors guilt".
A wash of emotion passed over him, his eyes filled with unshed tears which he blinked away, it would not do to fall apart now, he had to remain strong for himself and for his crew but most of all for those that could no longer be with them in body.

"I am no stranger to survivor's guilt," Peter admitted slowly, watching him closely. "It is alright to cry," he encouraged, "within the privacy of these walls, I encourage you to let your emotion free reign. If you keep cropping it up, then at the most inopportune time you will lose control and then it will be far worse to deal with." Had he been fully Human, he would've reached out to the man, offer a touch of comfort. As it was though, the part of him that was Vulcan prevailed, and he merely mustered a look of sympathy.

"It goes to more than just our losses on Copernicus Commander... How much of my service record have you managed to read?"
His eyes still watery but he felt some modicum of strength return to his voice as he took a sip of his drink.

"I did not. I prefer to meet someone without the prejudice of knowing his or her record. And please...if I am to forego rank, I would prefer you did too. "Would you like to talk about it? I reiterate that there is no requirement, but I am always available when you do want to talk. At your own terms. If I ask a question too many, you must let me know, or if something is too painful. It will not affect my opinion of someone."

"I had a wife and daughter, both were killed a number of years ago... If they had survived then my daughter would have been the same age as Yeoman Brooks is now... You've likely picked up on the tension between Doctor D'BrooNi and I by now... We had a slight set too and it was all over our relationship and how I was feeling closed out because of Mels not wanting to speak to Charlie about it... It all seems so petty now but its having an effect on me, add to that the pressure of command which I wasn't expecting yet and then the losses we suffered... I'm just a little overwhelmed with everything but all I can think about is Mel and Charlie and how I want to do right by them... Like I said, its seems so petty now talking about it!"
He placed his now empty coffee cup down on the table before him and crossed his arms across his broad chest. "I'm not sure how to make it up to Mel, I'm not sure how to forgive myself for not being able to save more people... I feel guilty at starting a relationship with someone because of my wife..." he allowed his voice to trail off as he started to rub the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"I did feel the tension," the counselor admitted, "quite vividly I might add. Does Melanie understand how you feel about her daughter? Does she know about your wife and child? Remember, she is a joined being, with many a lifetime's memories stored inside her symbiont. They have, quite likely, all known death and sorrow. If anyone would understand, I do believe it would be her. I have known Melanie for a very long time now, my eldest son is about the same age as her daughter, and I believe my eldest daughter is about the same age as her son."

This time, Peter did reach out. "You are Human," he finally said, "your emotions are part of you. It is alright to feel guilty, but it is not alright to dwell on it. Would your wife not want you to move on? If the role had been reversed, would you not have wanted her to do the same?"

"I'm Betazoid" he corrected but his words had made an impact. He was right on an intellectual level. The question is would his emotional intelligence allow the same room for understanding and self discovery.
"My wife would have smacked me at the side of my head by now, laughed at me and told me to live my life!"

"I apologize, I must have missed that," Peter apologized, internally smacking himself for forgetting that little detail. "Why not honour your wife then, by living it?" he queried curiously.

"Before any of that I need to apologise to her... I think perhaps I need to make a stop at her quarters. Have sickbay standing by would you!"
Keiben jested before realising his humor really would be falling on deaf ears with a Vulcan. It was at this moment he realised that his Counsellor was the one race you would not expect to be in a therapy role. "Off track a little here, how did you become a Counsellor Peter? Not something you often if ever see a Vulcan filling?"

"After nearly a lifetime in security, and the realisation that I would still live for quite some time, I felt a change in careers would provide a new challenge for me," the counselor replied, feeling as though the roles were about to get reversed on him, "assuming you have read my file, you would know that technically, I am only one quarter Vulcan. However as Vulcan genetics tend to be dominant, and I was raised as Vulcan..." He paused, offering a faint smile. "I suppose I am Vulcan. But I am Human, and Romulan too. I embrace all heritages though I would preer to identify as Vulcan."

"Things have been a little crazy and because you were a last minute addition I have not had time to review your file yet. My apologies, I assumed you to be pure Vulcan, that could be why I'm reading you a little easier than I can most Vulcans."

"It should not be easier.." Peter frowned, had he been slipping up more than he realized. "Both my parents were telepaths, I am aware that it is extremely rare in Humans but my parents are also both ex-Borg. As we all were born after their assimilation and rescue from the hive, we were born with nanites. They seem to enhance our talent, somewhat. For me, mostly, they are part of my immune system." Yet he couldn't not take the assumption of full Vulcan as a compliment. "I was trained from a very young age how to shield my mind, intensively so as I went into security."

This man really was a mystery, shrouded in an enigma cloaked in a Vulcanoids body. Like peeling an onion you keep finding new layers. Keiben made a mental note to read the Counsellors personnel file as soon as he had a spare moment.
"Well, I think I have a visit to make... Please feel free to finish your tea but if you will excuse me I have an apology to make!"
Without a second look back Keiben stood, rounded his table and left the ready room with not even a single glance back, mostly due to it still not feeling like his office.

 

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